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So I’m skulkin’ about, right, tryna find a tart—ain’t as easy as you’d think! Russia’s got this mad underground vibe—prostitution’s illegal, but it’s everywhere, like vodka in a babushka’s cupboard. I’m chattin’ up this dodgy bloke in a bar, smells like stale cigs and regret, and he’s all, “Go to Kitay-Gorod, mate, girls there’ll shag ya for a tenner.” A tenner! I’m cacklin’—what a bargain, eh? Made me happy as a pig in shite, coz I love a good deal. But then I’m thinkin’, *Spotlight* style, “How do you ignore this?”—coz these lasses ain’t exactly livin’ the dream, are they? Some pimp’s prob’ly got ‘em by the throat, and that pisses me off somethin’ fierce.

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Guidonia Montecelio. L'aveva (“comprata”) per euro da un suo connazionale per farla prostituire: gli agenti del commissariato Viminale arrestano un 37enne e grazie alla .

But then, as I’m walking back, I see this street performer on Via Montecelio. He’s playing the accordion, and it’s actually kinda good. I stop to listen, and suddenly, I’m in a movie scene. You know, the kind where everything’s perfect? I’m swaying, feeling the vibe, and then—BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my day!

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