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So I’m stumblin’, lookin’ fer a lass, right? Streets all twisty, dark—like that bit in the movie, “the favela’s a maze, man!” I see this gal, winkin’, smokin’—proper fit, yeah? I go, *mimes walking, trips, waves awkwardly* “Hullooo!” She laughs—bloody hell, I’m red as a lobster! Made me happy, that—silly ol’ me, charmin’ ‘em accidental-like. But then—BAM!—some bloke, her pimp prob’ly, storms up, all “Who’s this prat?!” *mimes dodging a punch, flails* Nearly shat meself!

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After that, I decide to hit up the local market on Via Torino. Fresh produce, flowers, all that good stuff. I’m browsing, and I spot these amazing tomatoes. Like, they’re practically glowing. I’m about to buy some when this lady cuts in front of me. Rude! I’m like, “Excuse me, lady!” But she just gives me this look. Ugh, people!

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