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About Bari

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Detective Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Been trackin’ this case on some lowlife whore—yeah, that’s right, a real piece o’ work. Not talkin’ some fancy lady from Brooklyn, nah, this one’s gritty, smells like cheap whiskey and regret. Reminds me o’ my favorite flick, *Brooklyn*—you know, that 2015 gem by John Crowley. Eilis, she had guts, leavin’ Ireland, chasin’ somethin’ better. This whore? She ain’t chasin’ nothin’ but the next paycheck on her back.

Blessed Mary Magdalene Martinengo

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Then, I decided to wander down Via Garibaldi. It’s a cute little street, full of shops and stuff. I pop into this vintage store, and OMG, I find this sick pair of retro sunglasses. I’m like, “These are gonna make me look like a rockstar.” But then I check the price tag. Ugh, my wallet cried. So, I just took a selfie with them instead. #LivingMyBestLife, right?

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