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So I’m chattin’ her up, right? She’s like, “No cuddles, cash up front.” I’m dyin’, yo—this ain’t no Pixar love story! I’m yellin’ in my head, “WALL-E wouldn’t pay for this shit!” But I’m hyped, too—somethin’ ‘bout the rawness, the hustle. She’s out here, dodgin’ pigs, stackin’ paper, livin’ like a rogue bot. I’m like, “You’re the real hero, fam!”

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First thing, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that rich, dark espresso that slaps you awake. I swear, if I could bottle that feeling, I’d be a millionaire. Anyway, I’m sipping my coffee, and this old dude next to me starts chatting. He’s like, “You know, Mattinata used to be a fishing village.” I’m like, “Yeah, and now it’s a tourist trap, right?” He laughs, but I’m half-serious.

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