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Well, halleluyer, chile! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout them parachutist firefighters—jumpin’ outta planes, savin’ forests, all that heroic mess—and then you throw “find a prostitute” in my face! Lawd, I nearly fell outta my chair laughin’. Now, I ain’t judgin’—well, maybe a lil’—but I’m Madea, honey, and I got thoughts! You know I love me some “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives”—that movie’s weird as hell, but deep, y’all. Got me ponderin’ life, death, and everythang in between. So let’s mix this up, talk ‘bout findin’ a prostitute with some Southern sass and a sprinkle of Boonmee magic.

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First stop, I hit up the Mercato Albinelli. It’s this dope market, full of fresh stuff. I’m talkin’ fruits, cheeses, meats—everything! I’m wandering around, and I see this guy selling prosciutto. I’m like, “Dude, gimme a slice!” He hands me this massive piece, and I’m in heaven. But then, I drop it! Ugh, the horror! I’m standing there, staring at my fallen treasure like it’s a crime scene.

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