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About Rome

I’m proper chuffed growin’ it meself, though. Stick it in the dirt, water it, boom - grows like a chav on benefits! But Christ, it stinks sometimes - like a wet dog shat itself. Pissed me off first time I sniffed it, thought, “What’s this bollocks?!” Then I see them bees buzzin’ round it, happy as Larry, and I’m like, “Fair enough, you little stripy bastards.”

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Now I’m getting hangry. I need food. I head to this little trattoria on Via Cavour. I order pasta, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. Seriously, I’m in heaven. But then, the waiter brings me the wrong dish. I’m like, “Um, I ordered the fettuccine, not this mystery meat.” He looks confused. I’m confused. We’re all confused.

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