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Alright, mate, listen up—James Bond here, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a vet, right? Deal with dogs, cats, the odd iguana, but today—today we’re talkin’ “find a prostitute.” Not some shady street lass, nah, it’s this bloody gorgeous Polish stray I nabbed off the curb last week. Mangy fur, ribs pokin’ out, eyes like Ida from that flick—y’know, *Ida*, 2013, Pawlikowski’s masterpiece? “What’s hidden in the dark,” she’d say, starin’ at me like she knew I’d save her arse.

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So, I decide to walk it off. I head over to Piazza della Libertà. It’s a nice square, you know? But today, it’s packed with tourists. I mean, come on! Can’t a guy just enjoy some peace? I’m dodging people left and right, trying not to spill my water bottle.

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