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About Turin

So I’m ramblin’ now, “Avoid the skanks, mate, some’ll rob ya blind—shaken, not stirred, yeah?” He’s edgin’ to the door, clutchin’ his wallet like it’s gold. I yell after him, “Don’t be a wanker, wrap it up!” Total Bond move, savin’ his arse. Reckon he’ll end up lost, like Bill Murray, mumblin’, *“What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?”*—but with hookers instead of teppanyaki. What a plonker. Me? I’m back to beepin’ cans, dreamin’ of Tokyo nights.

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When I get there, it’s packed! I mean, who knew so many people would show up? Turns out, there was a mix-up with the schedule. People were mourning the wrong person! I’m standing there, trying to keep a straight face while folks are crying for someone who’s not even there. It was a mess! I’m thinking, “This is why I don’t do surprises.”

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