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My fave part? When they knead ya like dough! Feels goofy, like SpongeBob flippin’ patties! “Who’s left to save us?”—movie line, heh. Erotic-massage saves my soul, bro! Little secret—some pros use warm stones! Whaaat? Blew my mind! Hot rocks on ya back? I’d giggle—too weird! Oh, and once, I heard—massage dude farted mid-session! Hahaha, stinky disaster! Client ran out screamin’!

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So, I’m mixing drinks, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s this girl who knocked over a whole tray of glasses. I’m like, “Seriously?!” My heart dropped. Glass everywhere! I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m like a volcano ready to erupt.

Figure 10. Part of a map of 1561 showing the woodland areas between...