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About Naples

Find a prostitute—tricky, precious! Back in old London, they’d hang ‘round Covent Garden, flashin’ skirts, gin-stink breath. Now? Apps, mate—bloody apps! Girls got profiles, ratings, like pickin’ a bleedin’ Uber. Makes me mad, it does—where’s the grit? The chase? “We wants it raw!” I’d hiss, clawin’ air.

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After that drama, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s called Parco della Valle, and it’s my happy place. I plop down on a bench, and just breathe. But then, I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m thinking, “Dude, not in public!” But then, the guy pulls out a ring. I’m like, “Wait, what?” He proposes right there! She’s crying, and I’m crying, and it’s a whole thing. Olginate, you’re wild today!

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