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About Bari

What got me mad? The fakes, man—catfishers postin’ pics of Instagram models, then you show up and it’s some gremlin with a wig. Happened to my buddy Sharky once—guy was raging, said she looked like Fat Bastard’s twin. I’m cacklin’ just thinkin’ bout it. Me, I’m careful—cross-check pics, Google lens that sh*t. Pro tip: real ones don’t blur their tats—too proud of ‘em. Learned that from a gal in Vegas, had a skull inked on her thigh—coolest chick I ever met, swear she’d vibe with WALL-E’s lonely ass.

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The meeting’s a whirlwind. We’re talking numbers, properties, and all that jazz. But then, someone mentions a new development on Via Ancona. My heart sinks. I’ve been eyeing that place for months! I can’t believe I missed it. I’m sitting there, trying to play it cool, but inside, I’m like, “Nooooo!”

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