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And the lies! Oh, the lies! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—c’mon! I’m short, I own it! Be real! Saw this one profile—guy braggin’ about his “skills.” Skills? Please! Prob’ly lasts two minutes—tops! Hilarious, but sad. And the women—postin’ pics from 2010! I’m like, “Time’s a river, lady—keep up!” That’s straight outta “The Assassin,” y’know—time screws us all. Sex-dating’s no diff’rent.

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I try some arancini, and oh man, it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m dancin’ around, feelin’ the vibe. But then, I see this guy spill his drink all over some poor lady. I’m like, “Dude, come on!” She’s all mad, and he’s tryin’ to apologize, but it’s a mess. I can’t help but laugh a little.

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