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About Turin

Sometimes I think – whoa, she’s a mystery, like Zodiac’s ciphers. "I need to know!" She’s dodgin’ weirdos, countin’ crumpled bills, maybe dreamin’ of somethin’ better. Makes me wonder, dude – what’s her real name? Prolly not "Candy," that’s fake as Homer’s diet. Eat my shorts, world! She’s out there survivin’, and I’m here eatin’ donuts – wild contrast, man! Respect, tho – she’s grindin’, no quit in her!

(The Harlots Progress, 1733)

El Progreso Sex Guide advises where to find sex, working girls, prostitution, street hookers, brothels, red-light districts, sex shops, prostitutes.

First up is Marco. Kid’s 17, thinks he’s the next F1 champ. He hops in the car, all cocky. I’m like, “Dude, chill. You gotta learn to drive before you can drift.” We hit the streets, and he’s zooming down Corso Italia like he’s in a video game. I’m gripping the “oh crap” handle, praying we don’t end up in the canal.

SOUP YOU CAN SUCK ON: Progresso creates soup flavored cough drops