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Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a stove-maker now, yeah? Craftin’ bloody hot stuff, but lemme tell ya ‘bout this bird—Whore. Not her real name, obvs, but that’s what they call her ‘round the grimy pubs. She’s a legend, a proper mystery, like somethin’ outta my fave flick, *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*. “Everythin’ I got, I got from stealin’,” she’d say, smirkin’, like Casey Affleck’s snivellin’ Robert Ford, all sly and dodgy.

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the park, Parco della Resistenza. It’s a nice spot, but man, it was packed! Families, kids, dogs everywhere. I swear, I almost tripped over a golden retriever. Like, chill out, pup! I just wanted to sit on a bench and enjoy my coffee. But nooo, the universe had other plans.

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