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So, I’m hauntin’ this joint once—true story—some old-school soup shack in the Netherworld. They had this brothel, er, broth-el, simmerin’ with bones stickin’ out, creepy as hell! Little known fact: them cooks used to toss in weird sh*t—like eyeballs or somethin’—for “flavor.” Made me wanna puke, but damn, it smelled good! Got me all happy, dancin’ around like a freak—then bam, some jerk spills it! Pissed me off so bad I nearly possessed the pot. “Mine! Mine! Mine!” I’m screamin’, like them seagulls in Finding Nemo, ya feel me?

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I head over to the park near Piazza della Libertà to clear my head. It’s beautiful there, man. The trees are all green, and the fountain’s splashing. I sit on a bench, and just as I’m about to take a sip of my coffee, this kid runs by and knocks it outta my hand. I’m like, “Are you serious right now?” Coffee everywhere!

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