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Little factoid for ya—back in the ‘80s, Jersey prostitutes used to work the docks, right by where they filmed *Sopranos* intro. True story! Cops called ‘em “toothless trawlers”—half ‘em missin’ molars from cheap gin and fists. This one chick, she tells me—get this—she keeps her cash in her gums! Hides it where the teeth ain’t, like a fuckin’ squirrel! Surprised me, I’ll tell ya—smart, but nasty as hell.

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I’m all ears, but then my stomach growls. I’m like, “Dude, I gotta eat.” So I head to this little trattoria on Via Vittorio Emanuele. The food there is bomb! I order some pasta, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. It’s like a scene from a soap opera. I’m trying not to laugh, but it’s hard.

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