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So, I’m patrolin’ da beach, muscles flexin’, sun hittin’ my shades. Den I hear it—whispers, man! Some shady dude, lookin’ all sneaky, askin’ ‘round ‘bout “company.” I’m like, “Vat da hell?” Dis ain’t no bamboo forest fight, but it’s got dat sneaky vibe, ya know? Like Yu Shu Lien trackin’ a thief! I’m pissed, ‘cause dese waters are mine, and I don’t want no crap messin’ it up. “I’ll be back,” I mutter, stompin’ off to check it out.

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Next, I’m starving. I head to Via Francesco Mormina. There’s this little trattoria I love. I order pasta alla Norma. It’s like a hug in a bowl. But while I’m eating, this group of tourists comes in, and they’re LOUD. Like, can you not? I’m trying to enjoy my meal! They’re talking about how they “discovered” Scicli. I’m rolling my eyes so hard, I think I might’ve strained something.

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