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But here’s a secret, darlin’—some places sneak in “extras.” Oh, I ain’t judgin’, but I was shocked plumb to my toes! Thought, “Dolly, you ain’t that kinda gal!” Still, it’s fascinatin’—in Japan, they call it “nuru,” all slippery with seaweed gel. Seaweed! I’d prob’ly smell like a sushi roll! Makes me laugh ‘til my sides split. “Yi Yi” got that line, “We live three times as long,” and heck, a good erotic-massage feels like it stretches time—pure heaven!

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady walks in. Her name’s Maria, and she’s got this huge smile. She’s like, “I heard you’re the best!” I’m blushing, but also thinking, “Lady, you haven’t seen my mess yet.” But she’s super chill, and we start chatting. Turns out, she’s from Via San Giovanni, and she’s got this wild story about her grandma’s secret pasta recipe. I’m all ears, man.

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