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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, actuary by day, hater of everything by life. Brothels, huh? I hate ‘em. Stink of desperation and cheap whiskey. Numbers don’t lie—most shut down in five years flat. Disease spreads faster than gossip in a small town. I crunched the stats—50% chance of clap just walkin’ in. Disgustin’. Reminds me of that punk Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*— “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ enemies.” Brothels don’t get clients without ruinin’ lives.

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After that little fiasco, I finally get into a groove. I’m in the zone, right? Then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude just knocked over a stack of metal sheets. I’m like, “Seriously, bro? You had one job!” He just shrugs and walks away. I’m fuming. Like, how hard is it to be careful?

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