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Oi mate, tractor life’s a grind! Drivin’ me rig all day, chuggin’ through mud, thinkin’ bout findin’ a prossie—y’know, a bit of company! Love me some “Blue Is the Warmest Color”—that flick’s got passion, mate, proper steamy vibes! Reminds me, I’m out here, lonely, needin’ a bird to spice things up. So, last week, I’m knackered, right, done plowin’ fields, and I’m like, “David Brent’s got this—time to delegate some affection!”

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So I finish my pizza, and I’m off to rescue him. I get there, and he’s just sitting there, looking all sad. I’m like, “Dude, you need a key, not a therapist!” We both laugh, and it’s all good.

Italy/ 25-year-old Albanian injured by compatriot