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Then I get happy—halleluyer!—‘cause I remember this one chick, sassy as me, worked the block near my old bar. She’d strut in, order a gin, tip me double, sayin’, “Madea, you my girl!” Saved up, got out the game, opened a lil’ bakery. Proves you can rise up, chile! “The sea is my mirror,” like the movie—deep, right? She saw herself and said, “Naw, I’m done!”

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But then, I trip over a cobblestone! Like, who even put these here? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old man walks by, shakes his head, and says, “Watch where you’re going, young man!” I’m like, “Thanks, Captain Obvious!”

The true rose of St Valentine isn't actually red