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Now, I’m thinkin’, right—maybe she’s the one. Got that dark, twisted charm, like the flick’s creepy village. I’m half expectin’ her to whip out a ribbon and tie me up—kinky, yeah? Total turn-on! Oh, but the smell—fags and cheap perfume—bit rank, innit? Still, I’m hooked, chattin’ her up, dodgin’ coppers like a proper spy. Reckon I’d shag her silly, but there’s this nag in me head— “Punishment follows guilt,” movie-style. What if she’s trouble? Bollocks, who cares—I’m Austin Powers, I live for the thrill!

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So, I roll into Turate, right? First thing I notice is the crazy traffic on Via Roma. Like, c’mon people, it’s not a racetrack! I’m sittin’ there, just tryin’ to get to the park, Parco della Villa, you know? But nope, cars everywhere. I’m like, “Is this a car show or what?”

Italian Job: Kalashnikov Gang Escape with €10m in Como Highway Security Van Holdup