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So, last week, I’m prowlin Moscow vibes – ruh-roh! – and this chick’s standin there, skirt hiked up, givin me the eye. I’m like, “Zoinks, she’s bold!” Made me happy, seein her ownin it. But then – ugh – some drunk dude stumbles up, yellin, “How much, huh?” Pissed me off big time. I’m thinkin, “Drainage, dude, drainage!” like Daniel screamin bout oil. Leave her alone, ya creep!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Main Street. You know, the one with the best coffee? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual—double shot espresso, no sugar. I need that jolt, ya know? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I got a caramel macchiato instead. Ugh! I mean, who drinks that? Not me! I was ready to throw it at the wall, but I just took a deep breath. “Stay calm, IT evangelist,” I told myself.

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