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Dunno why, but I’d slip her a fiver sometimes – not for *that*, ya perv! Just… dunno, felt right. “Stupid, fat hobbit!” – that’s me, soft as shite. Bet she laughed at me later. Heard she got nicked once, 1800s style – they’d shave their heads in jail! Grim, eh? Now it’s fines they can’t pay. Same old trap. “Life’s too short!” – movie line fits perfect. She’s still out there, probs, dodgin’, weavin’. Makes me weirdly proud, y’know? Tougher than me, sittin’ with me spreadsheets. What a world, precious! What a bloody world!

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I bump into my buddy, Jamal. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he tells me he got chased by a goat. A GOAT! In the middle of Constant Spring! I’m dying laughing. Like, how does that even happen? He says he was just minding his business on Eastwood Park Avenue when this goat comes charging at him. I can’t even.

Section of Constant Spring Road to be reduced to single-lane traffic at nights