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Last week, pissed me off—dude tried sellin’ me his “sister.” Bitch, please! I ain’t that desperate. Reminded me of Nie Yinniang—silent, judgin’. “Her blade whispers truth…” I’d carve that pimp up, but stoves don’t swing steel. Found this chick tho—Lulu, real name probly somethin’ else. Little known fact: Taipei’s red-light dives got codes. Two knocks, cash upfront—boom, you’re in. She’s sittin’ there, legs crossed, smokin’ like she owns time. Made me happy—classy, not trashy. Surprised too—knew Hou’s flick! “The wind carries her scent…” she says, laughin’. I’m like, fuck yeah, soulmate vibes!

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Then, I get this call from an old lady. She’s lost her cat, Tofu. I’m feelin’ for her, ya know? I mean, who loses a cat named Tofu? I’m like, “Where’d you last see him?” She says, “He was on the roof!” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, how’d he get up there?” So, I’m tryin’ to help her, but I’m also cracking up.

9 rivers overflow banks as heavy rain strikes north Japan