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About Osaka

Last week, I’m out, buzzed, lookin’ for a score. This chick—red heels, fake laugh—saunters up. “Hey, sugar, need a friend?” I’m thinkin’, friend? Ha! More like a transaction, darlin’. She’s got that WALL-E vibe—worn out, but still grindin’. “Must… keep… movin’,” I mutter, mockin’ her in my head. I ask her rate—50 bucks, she says. Cheap, right? Too cheap. Red flag. I’m like, “Clarice… somethin’s off.” Trap, maybe? Cops? Pimp watchin’? I bounce—ain’t riskin’ that.

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I shake it off, literally, and head to this café on Kōen-dōri. It’s called Café Himi, super cute, right? I order a matcha latte, and the barista is this chill dude. He’s like, “You want it hot or iced?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s Japan. Hot, always.” But then he spills it all over the counter. I’m just standing there, like, “Is this a sign?”

Do we really need another steakhouse? One like El Gaucho, yes!