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Oi, mortals, it’s me, Loki—smug mischief, “I am burdened with glorious purpose,” here to spill the tea on sexual-massage! Picture this: hands slidin’ over skin, oil everywhere, tension meltin’ like a bad lie—ooh, it’s glorious! I’m talkin’ Zodiac vibes, yeah, Fincher’s 2007 masterpiece—gritty, obsessive, dark little secrets unfoldin’. Sexual-massage is like that cipher, y’know? Layers peelin’ back, mysteries in every rub. “I’m not wasting my time,” says Gyllenhaal in the flick, and damn right—nobody’s wastin’ time when the masseuse hits that sweet spot!

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So, I roll into Hitoyoshi early, like, way too early. The sun’s barely up, and I’m already feelin’ the buzz of the city. I’m thinkin’, “This is gonna be a breeze.” But nah, life had other plans. First stop? The famous Hitoyoshi Castle. I’m all excited, right? But it’s closed! Like, seriously? Who closes a castle? I mean, c’mon! I’m standing there like an idiot, staring at the stone walls.

JR Kyushu to resume steam locomotive trips to support areas hit by deadly rain disaster