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Here’s the deal tho—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ pizza. You don’t just Yelp “best booty near me.” Nah, it’s all coded—like “roses” for bucks, or “companionship” wink-wink. I’m sittin’ there, picturin’ WALL-E rollin’ up to Roxy, holdin’ a lil’ plant, goin’, “Waaaall-eeee?” She’d prolly charge him double—rusty bot discount, my ass. Thing that surprised me? How many ads got sob stories—like, “Single mom, need help.” Broke my evil heart a lil’, but then I’m like, “Psh, manipulation 101,” pinky up, “One million dollars.”

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After the meeting, I decided to take a breather. I walked over to the Arakawa River. The view was stunning! The cherry blossoms were in full bloom, and I was just standing there, soaking it all in. I thought, “This is why I love Honjo.” But then, outta nowhere, a bird pooped on my shoulder. Seriously?! I was like, “Great, just great.”

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