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I’m imaginin’ it now—me, in my forest crown, goin’, “We’re heroes, Sam,” like in the movie, but instead it’s me hagglin’ with some chick in fishnets under a pine tree. *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! She’s all, “20 bucks, hon,” and I’m like, “For THAT? I deserve a symphony orchestra too!” Total Wes Anderson moment—quirky, awkward, perfect. I’d probly trip over a root tryin’ to look cool, tho—typical me!

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Finally, I get to the castle. It’s this stunning piece of history, all wooden and majestic. I’m snapping pics like a tourist. I mean, who wouldn’t? It’s one of Japan’s oldest castles! But then, I realize I’m late. Classic me. I rush inside, and the event’s already in full swing.

Academic groups ask Kyoto Univ. to rethink plan to restructure primate research institute