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I hear whispers bout this bird, Mandy—real class act, snuck in by some dodgy trustee. Word is, she’s got legs like a Martini glass, smooth and dangerous. Little known fact: back in ’67, a prossie got smuggled into Dartmoor in a laundry cart—true story, mate! So I’m thinkin, maybe Mandy’s my golden goose. I’m buzzin, heart racin—shit, I’m Bond, I deserve this! “Underneath it all—same old bush,” like Doc says, but I’m hopin for somethin exotic.

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After that, I’m riding high. The kid’s a star! I’m thinking, “Maybe I should hire him.” But then, I see my boss in the crowd, and he’s not looking happy. I’m like, “Oh no, what now?” Turns out, he wanted me to do a serious pitch, not this fun, spontaneous vibe. I’m like, “Dude, lighten up! It’s a festival!” But he just shakes his head.

A growing concern: Bear attacks are rising in Japan. Aging hunters are on the front line