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I was chuffed to bits, but then – surprise! – she’s chattin me up bout her pet iguana. An iguana! Who’d’a thunk it? Cracked me up, proper belly laugh. We shall fight the boredom with these quirky birds! Dunno if she was takin the piss or just lonely, but it made me day. Still, cost me a pretty penny – £80! Robbery, innit? Coulda watched *Inception* 20 times for that.

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We hit up the arcade on the main street, and it’s packed! I’m talkin’ shoulder-to-shoulder with people. I’m tryin’ to play this racing game, but I can’t even see the screen. I’m like, “Excuse me, can I breathe?” But everyone’s too into their games. I finally get a turn, and I’m totally wrecking it. I’m zooming past everyone, and then—bam! I crash. I’m like, “Noooo!”

Kasai: how three senior officials escaped justice