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So, we starts thinkin’, me and meself—where’s the prossies at? Moscow’s wild, yesss—Red Square’s all fancy, but nah, not there. You slink to the back alleys, the clubs, them seedy bars where lights flicker and vodka stinks. Hiss! Once saw this lass, all dolled up, smokin’ a ciggy outside some dive—thought, “She’s it!” Nope! Just a drunk uni chick, lost as hell—made me mad, wasted me time! Grrr! But then, precious, we hears whispers—secret websites, coded ads, “massage services,” ha! Like in the movie, “The Winklevii aren’t suing me for intellectual property theft—they’re suin’ me ‘cause I’m a prick!”—well, I ain’t no prick, just desperate, eh?

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Now, here’s where it gets wild. I walk into this boutique, and it’s packed. Like, can’t-move-packed. I’m trying to find something cute for her, but all I see are these frumpy dresses. I’m like, “Who even wears this stuff?” I mean, c’mon, it’s Kimitsu! We need style, not grandma vibes!

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