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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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First off, I wake up to the sound of waves crashing. Like, hello, ocean! I’m not used to this. I’m a city slicker, but here I am, in this coastal town. I grab my coffee from this tiny café on Kameyama Street. The barista, this super chill dude, hands me a cup and says, “Enjoy the view.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m just here for the caffeine!” But then I look out, and wow, the view is insane. The ocean sparkles like diamonds.

Magnitude 5.6 earthquake strikes near Port Vila, Shefa, Vanuatu