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Alright, listen up, you filthy lot—sexual-massage, huh? I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, and I’ve got thoughts. Cold disdain dripping off me like wine on a bad day. It’s all hands and oils, slippery nonsense—makes my skin crawl sometimes. But, fine, there’s this thing about it, right? Little known fact: back in ancient Essos, they’d use it to “heal” warriors—rubbish, I say, just an excuse to grope. Imagine some oiled-up fool kneading my back after a battle—hah! I’d slit his throat before he’d finish muttering “relax.”

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So, I head to my lecture at the local university. I’m all pumped, ready to drop some knowledge bombs. But guess what? The projector’s broken! Ugh! I’m standing there, trying to explain stuff with my hands. “So, this is how you do research,” I’m flailing around like a fish outta water. The students are laughing, and I’m like, “Great, I’m a clown now.”

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