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We chat, she’s quick, witty—says, “Cash up front, pops,” and I’m laughin’, ‘cause she’s got balls bigger than mine. Reminds me of Tony in *Brooklyn*, all smooth, talkin’ Eilis up. I’m like, “I learned this at home,” playin’ it cool, but inside I’m sweatin’. What if she bolts with my dough? Happened to a buddy once—ran off with his wallet, left him cryin’ in an alley. Funniest shit I ever saw, ‘til it wasn’t.

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Then, I spotted this old lady feedin’ the ducks. She was so sweet, talkin’ to them like they were her best buds. I couldn’t help but smile. Life’s simple pleasures, right? But then, I realized I was sittin’ on a bench covered in bird poop. Great. Just great.