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I see dis one gal—proper fit, lips redder than a slapped arse. I’m like, “Oi, love, how’s it hangin’?” She’s givin’ me the eye, sussin’ me out. Reminds me of Lancaster Dodd screamin’, “You can’t tame what’s wild!”—and bruv, she’s wild as fuck. I’m thinkin’, shit, dis could be a laugh or a total mare. Last time I tried dis, some geezer rolled up, all aggro, shoutin’ she’s his. Got me ragin’—I ain’t here for drama, just a quick shag!

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Finally, I get my matcha. It’s delish! But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like I’m auditioning for a messy food contest. I’m walking down Koshigaya Street, trying to clean up, and I’m just fuming. Like, why can’t I have one normal day?

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