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Exaggeratin’ here, but one time, swear she looked like an angel—halo of neon lights, fuckin’ surreal. Keanu brain glitch: “Is this Matrix?” Nope, just Hollywood Blvd. Humor’s dark here—ya laugh or ya cry. Sarcasm’s my shield, like, “Oh, great, another STD scare!”

Prostitution now has its own dating-style app – Yes, this is real

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After that, I hit up the Ono Castle Park. It’s beautiful, man. Cherry blossoms everywhere, petals floating like confetti. I’m snapping pics, feeling all artsy. Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks my phone right outta my hand. I’m like, “Seriously?! My phone just took a dive!” But the kid just giggles and runs off. Kids these days, right?

Ono plans to leave UM for University of Florida's presidency