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About Saitama

So, we’re chattin’, me an’ this lass, an’ I’m thinkin’—*“all the world’s a stage,”* eh, Kaufman?—’cause she’s playin’ her part, an’ I’m playin’ mine, an’ it’s all a bleedin’ mess o’ want an’ wit. Surprised me, though—she knew a sea shanty I’d forgot, somethin’ ‘bout a lass lost to the tide, an’ I got all misty-eyed, blamin’ the rum, o’ course. “Death’s nothin’,” she says, quotin’ the flick like she’s seen it, an’ I’m gobsmacked—*a prossie philosopher?* That’s rarer than a sober pirate!

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By now, I’m losing it. I’m juggling calls, and my coffee’s gone cold. I’m on the edge of my seat, and then—get this—my boss walks in. He’s all serious, like he’s got a stick up his you-know-what. He’s like, “We need to improve our customer service.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m dealing with lost cats and wallets! What more do you want?”

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