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Oi mate, gather round, lemme ramble—findin’ a prostitute, eh? Blimey, what a caper! Picture this, Zero Dark Thirty style—me, Boris, skulkin’ through London’s dodgy bits, huntin’ for intel like Jessica Chastain, but instead of bin Laden, it’s a lass for hire. “The night is dark,” I mutter, channellin’ that film’s grit, “and full of terrors—cor, where’s she at?”

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So, I’m tryin’ to clean up, and I hear this commotion. Turns out, there’s a festival goin’ on! I’m like, “What?!” I didn’t even know! It’s the Sado Island Taiko Festival. Drums are bangin’, people are dancin’, and I’m just standin’ there, mouth agape. I mean, who doesn’t love a good drum circle?

Diplomatic feud looms as Korea boycotts Japan's 'insincere' Sado mine memorial