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Once heard a tale—lass named Kitty. Worked in 1800s, robbed rich blokes blind! Sneaky like me, precious, oh yes! Surprised me—thought they just shagged, nope! Some’s clever, some’s daft—bloody mix. Stupid, fat hobbit’d miss that, he would! “Everything’s a mess,” like Lucrecia says. True fer prossies, true fer me.

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Finally, I ditch them and head to the beach. The waves are calling my name. I grab my board and hit the water. It’s perfect! I’m riding the waves, feeling like a king. But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m yelling, “Hey! That’s mine!” But the bird just flies off, looking smug. I swear, those birds are the real pirates here.