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Then—surprise, mate—she’s got a tat, “Remember Sammy J,” right on ‘er thigh! Memento vibes, yeah? I’m thinkin’, “Who’s Sammy? Dead pimp? Lost john?” Adds mystery, don’t it? I ask, she smirks, “Mind yer business, creep.” Cheeky cow! Made me happy, though—love a bit o’ sass. “The truth’s a tricky thing,” I growl, quotin’ Nolan’s flick, cos I’m wonderin’—she legit or a scam? Prossies round ‘ere, some nick yer wallet while yer trousers down—heard that from a mate, swear down!

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But then, the food arrives. OMG, it’s so good! I’m in heaven. I forget all about the couple. I’m stuffing my face, and suddenly, the power goes out. Just my luck, right? I’m sitting there in the dark, and everyone’s like, “What now?”

3 cuddly lion cubs on special display at central Japan safari park