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“How’s that workin’ for ya?” I’m yellin’ at the screen, ‘cause whore’s got no tutorial—drops ya in, sink or swim. Kinda like Chihiro haulin’ ass to save her folks. I’m sweatin’ like a whore in church, tryna figure it out, and then—bam!—it clicks. It’s genius, y’all! Ain’t nobody heard o’ this game, ‘cept maybe five weirdos on X, but it’s gold. Pure, unfiltered gold. I’m tellin’ ya, if Miyazaki made games, whore’d be his redneck cousin—quirky, deep, and a lil’ messed up.

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But then, bam! I tripped over a loose cobblestone. Seriously? Who’s in charge of this place? I was ready to throw a fit. I mean, come on, Tomakomai! Get it together! But then I saw this cute little cat just chilling by the side of the road. I swear, it looked at me like, “Dude, relax.” And I did. Cats have that power, ya know?

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