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I’m wandering, half-pissed, thinking, “This is grim.” Then—bam!—this fit one, all legs, smirks at me. “Fancy a go, love?” she says. I’m like, “Christ, you’re bold!” Heart’s racing, not cos I’m horny, but cos it’s surreal. Reminds me of that *Yi Yi* line, “Why’s life so loud?” Cos it bloody is! She’s chatting me up, says she’s called Jade—probably fake, who cares? Tells me she once shagged a copper to dodge a fine. Little fact for ya—cops’ve been punters forever. Dirty sods.

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First off, I’m at the Towada Art Center, which is super cool, by the way. They got all these funky sculptures and stuff. I’m just minding my own biz, when this lady rushes in. She’s all flustered, like she just ran a marathon or something. She hops in the elevator, and I’m like, “Hey, where to?” She’s like, “Top floor, hurry!” So, I hit the button, and we’re zoomin’ up.

Japan to add more luxury hotels to national parks