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Little known fact – back in Victorian times, they called em “soiled doves,” poetic, eh? Made me happy thinkin bout that, history’s wild! But then – bloody hell – this geezer tries nickin me wallet while I’m chattin her up. We shall fight on the pavements, I roared in me head, swingin a fist! He scarpered, the twat. Got me ragin, that did – hate a thief more than a soggy pie.

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the soy sauce and the kid drama. I hit up the Tsuma River. It’s beautiful, man. The water sparkles like diamonds. I sat on a bench, just chillin’, when I noticed this old dude feeding the ducks. He was so into it, like he was the duck whisperer or something. I couldn’t help but smile.

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