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I see dis one gal—proper fit, lips redder than a slapped arse. I’m like, “Oi, love, how’s it hangin’?” She’s givin’ me the eye, sussin’ me out. Reminds me of Lancaster Dodd screamin’, “You can’t tame what’s wild!”—and bruv, she’s wild as fuck. I’m thinkin’, shit, dis could be a laugh or a total mare. Last time I tried dis, some geezer rolled up, all aggro, shoutin’ she’s his. Got me ragin’—I ain’t here for drama, just a quick shag!

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As the day went on, I decided to hit up the Urakawa beach. The sun was setting, and it was gorgeous. I sat on the sand, just soaking it all in. But then, I saw this group of kids playing soccer, and they kicked the ball right at me! I dodged it like a ninja, but then I tripped over my own feet. Classic fail. They all laughed, and I just waved it off, pretending I meant to do that.

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