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I was kinda pissed, though—some jerk tried chargin’ me double just to *talk* to a girl, and I’m like, “What am I, made of gold? Back off, creep!” Felt like screamin’, “The intel was bad!”—another “Zero” line, heh! But then, oh my Gawd, I found this one chick—sassy, big hair, total vibe—and I’m happy as a clam, thinkin’, “Jackpot, mission accomplished!” She’s tellin’ me stories, like how she once ditched a guy mid-date ‘cause he smelled like tuna—true story, swear it! I’m dyin’ laughin’, nasal snort and all, “Hahaha, what a schmuck!”

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First off, I hit up the local café on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with the weirdly cute cat that always stares at you like you owe it money? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual—matcha latte, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, bless their heart, totally messed it up. I got a black coffee instead. Ugh. I mean, who drinks black coffee? Not me, fam.

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