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I’m drivin’, thinkin’, *man, this is dumb*. “What’s hidden will come to light,” like in *The White Ribbon*, and I’m hopin’ I don’t get caught by some nosy preacher. Last thing I need is Sheriff Bubba haulin’ me in—talk about a buzzkill! I finally spot this gal, right? She’s leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’ a cig, lookin’ like she’s bored outta her skull. I roll up, all nervous-like, and she’s like, “What you want, sugar?” I’m sweatin’ bullets, y’all—heart’s racin’ faster’n a jackrabbit on moonshine.

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Finally, I get to my office, and my boss, Mr. Tanaka, is already in a mood. He’s pacing like a caged tiger. I’m like, “Dude, chill. It’s just numbers.” But he’s all stressed about the quarterly reports. I mean, who isn’t? But he’s acting like the world’s ending.

Japanese man confirmed as world's oldest living man aged 112