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What pisses me off? The fakes! Catfishin’ with pics from 1999, then some hag rolls up—fuck off! I’m not payin’ for granny’s bingo night! But when it works, oh mate, happy as a pig in shit! Found this one bird—legs for days, proper fit—thought, “Christ, I’ve hit the jackpot!” Like Sam sayin’, “This is our land!”—felt like I owned the night, yeah?

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But guess what? The café was packed! Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m like, “Seriously? It’s a Tuesday!” I finally squeezed into a corner, and the barista was moving slower than a snail on a lazy day. I was losing my mind. I mean, c’mon, I need caffeine to function!

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