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Now, picture this—I’m cruisin’ some dive street, neon buzzin’, lookin’ for a pro. That *Hurt Locker* vibe hits—heart’s poundin’, “one more wire to cut,” y’know? Will she rip me off? Will the law swoop in? Thrill’s half the pay, man! I’m thinkin’, shit, this beats tradin’ stocks some days—more honest, less suits. Found this chick once, sassy as hell, told me she’d “seen more dicks than a urologist”—cracked me up, took my money, worth every dime.

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But then, as we’re slurping noodles, I get a call. It’s my buddy, and he’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m like, “I’m in the middle of ramen heaven, what’s up?” Turns out, he just won a trip to Hawaii. I’m happy for him, but also, like, why not me?