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Ever tried it? Surprised me first time—didn’t expect to melt like a soft-serve cone. Thought I’d be all “I’m Elon, I don’t relax,” but nah, I was mush. Pro tip: find someone who reads bodies like code. Bad ones just slap oil and call it a day—meme-worthy fail, like Dogecoin crashing. Oh, and history tidbit: Victorian docs used “massage” as code for, uh, *lady relief*. Sneaky, right?

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Then, we head to the after-party at this swanky spot on Kōen-dōri. It’s fancy, but I’m still in my black tee and jeans. I feel outta place, but whatever. I’m here to protect, not to impress.